thinking thinking thinking

I. Can't. Stop. Thinking.
About you.
I realize that this is trouble.
My Attraction only grows for this feeling of you always in my head.
I. Can't. Stop. Thinking.
Thinking. Gets me into trouble.
My brain amalgamates all my thoughts to include you.
Our relationship is anachronistic, yet that only makes me want you more.
Our at chance meeting is an anomaly,
Like a conundrum it drives me mad.
You give me praise, I give you approval.
A round of applause for the two.
You. Are. So. Affable.
Despite the initial hesitation,
Your assiduous efforts are working.

I will never call

I called and called and called
You never picked up but always returned my calls
I made the erroneous assumption that this was enough

You lay a single flower on my pillow and made the bed with you in it
I smiled and looked at you and your approval-seeking eyes
I slowly walked towards the bed and gently took the flower off of the pillow
I raised the blanket and lay under them
Now I know it was too soon

The abeyance of the conversation caused our destruction
We were and still are incompatible
I wanted you and you wanted me,
but wants change like the breeze

Reluctance to truth led to self-doubt and worry
Looking back now I see my eyes were but blurry
Adulterate any relationship and ruin its core
I won't be waiting up for you anymore

Fighting Words and double entendres

"I'll hit you."
"Stop it."
and there it begins
Hitting You with words that I would prefer to be kisses
Intolerance to real emotion that provokes those awful feelings

You hold my arms above my head as I try to break free,
free in the sense of movement,
You smile at my struggles,
yet You do not use Your full strength for fear of hurting Me in Our fighting quests of affection

Alienation in this new generation accepts short term gratifications as the realist form of relationships
I have no preference for titles and demonstrations of chivalry
Those niceties have the tendency of being for show
They become but part of Our repertoires

Take one, Take two, Take three and four,
Watch Us and We'll give you more
Your friends, My friends change us too
Negating facts do not make them true

the woes of womanhood in a man's world

If I bit your lip hard enough for it to hurt,
I apologize.
I don't know how authentic it is,
since it was intentional.

I woke up.
the only thing I regretted was not stopping the now very present marks of shame that cover my neck
I try to cover it with makeup,
but I realize that I cannot
It's as if I tainted the vision of perfection,
and single-handedly dissembled what being a lady entails.

You and your big smile
I can accuse the drinks and say that it was a consequence of it,
but that would not count the hour and a half that I spent getting ready
I left my house feeling invincible
There was no one that could stand in your way if you wanted me
I didn’t even have to try
You said everything wrong,
and yet there I was sitting in your car, scheming my own demise. 

so this is what graduation feels like...

I did it,
it being graduated

I sit in my bedroom alone typing,
meanwhile one of sisters is out of state,
and the other is out of the country
My door is locked but if my mom decides to knock,
I jump off my bed and rush to open it
Privacy isn't really a thing in my moms house
She hates it too,
but that's besides the point

Fact: I have less than two hundred dollars to my name
Fact: I'm unemployed and a career is "but a dream" and jobs are scarce
Fact: I used school as an excuse for not having a boyfriend

I graduated so my cover is blown
It's nearly the end of summer but the beautiful California weather has been more unpredictable
If there were an easy button I would push it so I could figure out my next step
The only thing in my future I am certain of is student debt

My room still looks like a tornado flew through it
I have absolutely no intention of cleaning it, to my mother's dismay
I think I should be studying for the GRE,
but my pity party take precedence

Balancing Reciprocals

I cannot balance myself in the gym,
let alone balance my life
I have enough,
but I always want more

I want to laugh until I cry
I want to sing and dance and make my mantra to always have the most fun

It starts with one word: Yes.
To transition from the word of negativity to a word that is inviting,
it's just a start
It says: "I am happy, and this is me sharing my happiness"

But I enjoy my bitter moments
I do not want to thrive it them forever,
and let them be all that define me

I want the weight of a little word to not be unmanageable
I want to be aware
I want to let my expression not intrude on others
I want happiness
I want to smile and laugh because I saw the face of a person I love

Reciprocal love is happiness,
be it my best friend or boyfriend
I just want to be Leona Lewis "happy"

The Trickery of Smiley Faces

Behind the safety net of our technologies,
We send out mass communication
All those emojis at your disposal can lead to misinterpretation
The intent behind the action of simple selection can be misconstrued
You can over think it,
Or make a spontaneous decision
Yet you still subject to the simplicity of its incorporation
Words are but words when you're playing with meanings